I had to check myself

Failed relationships have always put me in a state of emotional turmoil. I ask myself often when it ends what part I played in the failure? In two of my last three failed relationships I figured out that the role I played in the failure was not taking out the time to get to know that person before I made a commitment to them. Had I taken time to get to know them, I would have ran in the opposite direction! I didn't know what I wanted so I settled for less than I deserved. I thought I knew but I had no idea.

The moment I did a quality check on myself my ideas about relationships changed. I know that I am a good woman with a lot to offer the right man. I learned that everyone isn't right for me even if they say they are. I've noticed in the past some men would immediately try to align themselves to fit inside my proposed list of wants and needs. My boyfriend says I gave them "the blueprint" and that's exactly what I was doing. I told them exactly what they needed to know to get close to me.

So I figured with my current relationship it would be best if I didn't tell him my list of wants and needs all up front at one time. I've gradually opened up to the idea of sharing everything. One thing I made clear at the beginning was that I'm not willing to share him with other women. I had to check myself on that because in the past if I found out I was being stepped out on I would right that wrong (in my eyes) by doing the same thing. More often than not it was making emotional connections with other men. In reality I would check myself out of a relationship mentally before anything else. I couldn't ask the person that I am with to do a check on himself if I wasn't willing to do the exact same thing. At this stage I have, and I'm a better woman for it.